Category Humour

Look it up in the Dictionary

(Warning: the following blog contains colourful language.) ‘Look it up in the dictionary!’ We’ve all said it. We’ve all done it. But have we ever really considered this act in all its lunacy? How is the dictionary the umpire in fights between people deciding on how to use ‘hopefully’ or ‘all right’ and ‘alright’? It […]

Word a Month

(The following blog post contains colourful language.) Happy New Year everyone. I hope it was a most gladsome affair for you and all of your beloveds. Unfortunately for many, no, I am not dead. For these past 12 months I have merely been inundated with work. Try harder next time. Your assassins’ methods are antiquated […]

Best Left to the Professionals

(Warning, the following post contains colourful language.) Thank you for purchasing Having My Way With Words Publications’ ‘Sweet Mother of GOD: Why Folks in the Past Were Batshit Insane and Why Queefs Still Believe in Magic.’ Introduction   Constantly drawn towards the hidden forces of an unknown realm, we humans invent stories and folklore to […]

Green Great Dragon

(Warning: this blog contains colourful language.) Words and their order play such a vital part in any language. Everyone knows that English goes subject-verb-object, and  that you can only bounce a ball, but you cannot a ball bounce, unless speaking cryptically. One day, there was a small boy. Ever the aspiring writer, he wrote a […]

Fox Goes ‘Kon’?

What does the fox say?   Kon-kon… well, in Japan he does. (In archaic Japanese, the fox’s ‘bark’ was written as kitsu, which is believed to be the reason Japanese call foxes kitsune (literally: ‘that thing that goes kitsu’).) Once again, Japanese efficiency puts an end to the eternal questions like ‘What would happen if […]

Gentleman Cow Evacuations: Euphemisms

(This blog contains colourful language.)     = ??? [The following conversation was between me and my co-worker who was particularly insistent on knowing why I was hurrying off when we were clearly busy planning our upcoming joint lecture.] Me: ‘I’m off to see the Mona Lisa.’ M: ‘What?’ Me: ‘The Mona Lisa, I’m off […]

Woody or tinny?

Gawwwwwn… GAAAAAWN… It’s got a sort of woody quality about it. Gawwwwn… Much better than ‘newspaper’ or ‘litter bin’. Ugh, newspaper… litter bin…Dreadful tinny sort of words! Tin, tin, TIN! Now, I’d better stop saying ‘tin’ before I upset Becky. The other day on Facebook, a good friend of mine posted this skit from Monty […]